Grief Expert Explains: Why Do We Mourn Suzan & Freek More Than Children in Gaza?

The announcement that Freek Rikkerink, known as one half of the Dutch musical duo Suzan & Freek, is terminally ill landed like a bombshell in the Netherlands. At 32, the singer has incurable lung cancer and, together with his partner Suzan, decided to immediately stop performing. Their deeply personal and honest message about his illness and the upcoming birth of their first child struck a chord with hundreds of thousands.

Candles, messages of support, and warm words flooded in on social media—not just from fans, but from people who may have only known the duo from passing hits or TV appearances. In this wave of emotion, Dutch daily Trouw posed a provocative question: Why does the news about Freek affect us more deeply than the ongoing human suffering in Gaza or Ukraine?

A Beloved Duo With Open Hearts

In recent years, Suzan & Freek have become one of the most cherished musical couples in the Netherlands. Their openness with fans, warm public interaction, and personal songs created a strong bond with audiences, going far beyond their music. Through interviews, social media, and TV, followers felt increasingly connected to their daily lives. That’s why the news about Freek’s illness hit so hard—as if it were happening to someone you know personally.

The decision to stop performing immediately hit even harder. The combination of a farewell to their musical journey and the knowledge that the couple is expecting their first child made the grief almost tangible. People saw themselves in this young couple: the hope, the love, the future suddenly pulled from beneath their feet. This relatability explains why the news unleashed such a wave of national sorrow.

A Collective Outpouring

After the announcement, social media exploded with reactions. People lit candles, shared concert memories, and posted comforting words. Well-known colleagues from music and television voiced their support. The response was sincere and collective, creating a rare moment of national mourning for a public figure’s private pain.

This flood of feeling prompted Trouw to ask: Why do we react so intensely to the pain of Freek and Suzan, while the harrowing situations elsewhere in the world barely provoke the same public empathy?

The Role of Proximity in Grief

Grief expert Manu Keirse from KU Leuven offers a crucial explanation for this difference. He says people become emotionally closer to famous figures they continually encounter in the media. “Alone in their rooms, people spend hours with celebrities—they’re very close by… Sometimes, celebrities take up more space in our lives than aunts, uncles, nieces, and nephews,” says Keirse.

You recognize Freek’s face, his voice, his story. His music lives in your head, his performances are familiar. Even if you’ve never met him, he feels familiar and close. That’s why the sadness over his illness is real and authentic. It’s not mass hysteria, but a sense of connection that comes from repeated contact—even if it’s digital or one-sided.

Why Distant Suffering Doesn't Hit as Hard

The real difference between grief for a well-known Dutch person and suffering in conflict areas is mainly distance—emotional and geographical. Images from Gaza or Ukraine often show anonymous faces and brief flashes of catastrophe. There’s little context, no names or stories to remember—no voice or face you recall from songs, interviews, or TV.

Keirse puts it simply: “Those images hit you, but the children in Gaza—we don’t know them. Meanwhile, a singer is there on the TV screen in your living room! And we know something about them. That makes it very different.” That proximity lets you be moved. It’s not about being indifferent to other suffering; it’s just harder to feel connected.

Recognition Makes Grief Personal

Part of what makes the sadness over Freek so intense is that his story mirrors people we could know—a young man, a music career, a wish for children. His story could be that of your friend, brother, or coworker. It’s a loss of future, of hope, of love—and that’s what hits home.

It’s important to recognize that empathy can’t be measured or compared. Grief isn’t a competition. Being moved by Freek doesn’t mean you don’t care about the fate of war victims elsewhere. Both forms of grief can exist side by side.

A Society Still Capable of Feeling

The nationwide involvement in Suzan & Freek’s story reveals something vital: our hearts are still open, and we can still be moved. That is not a weakness, but a sign of true humanity. In an age where many emotions are expressed online and distance sometimes dominates, this shows there’s still room for compassion, vulnerability, and connection.

As Manu Keirse beautifully says: “What kind of society would we be without this?” Your ability to be moved is nothing to be ashamed of, but something to cherish.

Original source:
https://mamasenomas.nl/rouwdeskundige-verklaart-waarom-er-meer-verdriet-is-om-suzan-freek-dan-om-de-kinderen-in-gaza/